December

1999

We congratulate you with the coming 2000!

Dear businessmen and people working on hiring!

We congratulate all of you with NEW YEAR!!!

We wish you health, sharpness, prosperity, successes in yours hard but necessary work. Today you feed not only you, your families, retirees, military men, children, army, militia and other dependants, but also create a new society - the society of the future. It is not your fault that the frank swindlers and the adventurers came to the authority. You for them as a bone in a throat. It is easier to control beggars and drunkards (cattle) as the present authorities try to draw us. We are reliable for those changes which should take place in 2000 in our suffering Republic. Except for us nobody can change this gangster state. We people who think are reliable for this. It is a pity that 2000 for many of us starts with the enforced holiday (from 1.01.2000) and subsequent strike since 1.02.2000. What expects us in the following year? Confiscation of property on the decrees of A. Lukashenko everywhere, new taxes which are twice higher than incomes, criminal responsibility for small offences which we did not commit, racket of bribes on the part of the different inspectors everywhere. The year will be very difficult. If you do not resist, it will be even worse. The tax and other bodies are informed about the highest plans on penalties and expropriations. Your activity, since 1994-99 even if you are not businessman any more will be checked up and rechecked up. The purpose of checks is one - confiscation of property under any excuse.

And nevertheless, WITH NEW YEAR!

In new millennium - without A. Lukashenko! (main toast at the holiday table).

OUR CITY

27.12.99 at the Puppet Theatre of Grodno at 16.00 the next charitable action "Businessmen to children" was held. The action was realised within the framework of the program "Our city". The action was held at the expense of means of the businessmen of the ware market "Southern", businessmen who sell meat products at the market "Skidelsky". In the charitable Action the Belorussian Organization of the Working women (Grodno branch), Free trade union of the workers JC Ltd "Alforma" and recently created female organisation "The Spring of mercy " (public organisation which unite mothers of large and needy families) took part.

More than 200 children from needy families and orphans took part in the dramatised performance near the New Year's tree, looked the performance, got souvenirs. The holiday Was finished with "Sweet table". Some children from the Children's House got a padding cake.

The organisers of the Action thank greatly businessmen of the markets of Grodno for financial support, workers of THE PUPPET THEATRE for the perfectly organised New Year's performance and all women who took part in realisation of this Action.

29.12.99 the Children's house from the businessmen of the markets of Grodno was handed 10 cakes, clothes, footwear, pens etc.

Valery Levonevsky

Political congratulations or - in new millennium without Alexander Lukashenko

(main wish in the New Year's night).

The elephant are not fed with fables and …. the people of Belarus have been fed by fables for 5 years and nothing have happened.

Judging by our lean purses 1999 was very difficult for all of us. We are not satisfied with the fairy tales of our government and A. Lukshenko about prompt increase of our incomes. It is a pity that many our citizens do not understand digits of increase of our welfare and approve that they and their  children have nothing to eat.

And still year finished. Will a next year be better? It will be. If each of us make something for this purpose. The trouble unites people. And we have one large trouble – A. Lukashenko. Our neighbours the Poles already receive a wage in 300-500 dollars of the USA, they overproduce commodity, have abundance of the goods. And he (A. Lukashenko) struggles with harvest, corruption, drought, rain, windy grinding mills, plays in hockey, has built tombs such as "Ice-Palace". All energy leaves on struggle. But the struggle resembles catching of fleas by a dog at the end of its tail.

Soon election will take place. The election of the president and election of the legislative body. Everybody of you sees what the fool with the initiative can do. It is a good lesson for all states and peoples. First of all we would like to wish you all to wake up from hypnosis, to believe in your forces and to begin to act. Only we can change something in our state. We wish health, good incomes, happiness in personal and family life and some luck all of you this New 2000!

Memorandum to those who meet New year

Before to begin to meet New year (NY), insensibly put to the pocket a small piece of paper on which surname, name, patronymic, address, group of blood and number of year which you have decided to meet are indicated.

Directly before to meet NY check up:

-         if there is no explosive device under the door of your flat,

-          

-bags and pockets of the guests as follows,

-         if there are foreign objects next to you when take your seats at a holiday table.

-          

Having noted something suspicious on the chair, do not hurry to sit down on it and better change places with the neighbour.

The maters of blasting work have learned to make the dangerous devices as New Year's toys, different ornaments, every possible food in colourful packages, therefore before the meeting of NY free the flat from it.

Opening a bottle of champagne carefully check up: whether there no are wires at it. If you notice something similar, do not open it in any case and hand it to a neighbour and leave a room in a quet manner and close a door densely.

We will hurt if you having avoided explosive surprises are mistaken selecting a drink. At such quantity of counterfeits, you, as a miner, can make an error only once.

Now: how to distinguish an alcoholic drink of factory production from a counterfeit.

Look at bottle on light. If you find out a residue more than 3 centimetres, than shake it well and pour it out to a glass. Do not hurry up to drink and throw in the glass some pellets of manganese. If after that the drink has not changed the colour, prolong not to hurry up to drink it and give it the neighbour to try it out.

If you have decided to remember the neighbour it is better to open for this purpose another bottle.

When meeting NY try to follow a blackout in a lighted window you represent the theoretical target for a killer.

But at the same time small illumination should be or others would think that there is no a single person at home and would try to rob your flat.

It is better to put on a waistcoat of protective colour to meet NY. And be careful when inviting the guests.

Do not invite in your place armed people whom you know badly.

Make all possible that representatives of conflicting criminal groups sit far from each other.

If you follow this advice than you have quite a good chance to meet New year successfully.

Happy New year! New happiness!

JOKES

The tax inspector comes into the restaurant at New year’s night. - TODAY I shall have a nice time up to the morning. Take 300 backs for drinks and food and 100 for delivery to home. He wakes up in the morning in an empty flat and sees a paper. It is a cheque: "Drinks and food – 300 $. Delivery to home - 100 $. Robbing of a flat - at the expense of the restaurant."

Will the NEW tax inspector take bribes? – No, of course no!!! He is the most honest man! Before he has worked for two YEARS as a director of a baths, so never was washed!

Ivan wakes up in the morning and asks Vasilisa to give him money to drink a glass of beer. I: Vasilisa, give money, NEW YEAR yesterday was, give. V: I will not give!!! I: Give, please. V: I will not give!!! I: As you was a toad you are still the same!!!

One spruce and a lot of oaks around – what is it? The answer: NEW YEAR on military faculty.

Comes NEW Russian on Marshalov island to a cruise. Goes, gets pleasure from local sightseeing and notes the native who eats a coconut. Well he approaches to him and asks: - Are not you, brother, to climb on such high palms? - And I do not climb! The wind winds, and they drop. - And what do you do when there is no wind? - And such YEAR for us is considered without harvest.

NEW YEAR!! CHILDREN are on a holiday, make round dances around the New year tree, then a Father Frost with his granddaughter. Hi! Children: "Hi!" what is absent at your New year tree? Children: "Lights!" Let's ask New year tree to light up. 1,2, 3, New year tree, burn! It does not burn! Children again try: "1 2 3 burn!" It does not burn! Then one of the children gets the telephone from a pocket, dials and says: "Hear, Father, say your mates to come to solve a problem because our New year tree does not burn."

The father checks up a diary of the son - schoolboy: - Mathematics - 2! Physics - 2!! Chemistry - 2!!! Russian - 2!!!! Singing - 5...Rascal, he even sings!!!

Under what law do you want to hang me? - We always hang on one law - law of universal gravitation!

On hearings which require to be proved the Central Elective Commission refused to register an association "Progress and legality. Democratically unified centre". The reason is in the obscene sounding of its abbreviated title!..

Bell in office: - Is it possible to speak with the boss? - And how should I present you? - Present me in a bath!

Lady has approached to a small old man sitting on a porch in a balanced armchair and says: - It is difficult not to note that you are so happy. Share a secret how is it is possible to live so long and happily? - I smoke three boxes of cigarettes per day - he responds. - And still I drink a box of whisky per week, eat greasy beefsteak and I never do morning exercises. – It is wonderful - lady notes - and how old are you? - Twenty six.

Two new Russian go. Speak. - Hear! We went with Kolya yesterday on a dark lane and heard near - "Help! Kill!" - Well and what did you do? - Well we helped, killed!

Eltsin, putting on in the morning, tries to find something in the pocket of his jacket: - Passport here, pension certificate here, pass in the Kremlin here. For today the work with the documents is finished.

Yesterday Boris Eltsin accepted the Japanese ambassador in Kremlin...for American and had a long conversation with him.

A worker of SAI stops the 600-th Mercedes, he wants money...Good afternoon...have ... have you the first aid set?!! - And do you feel bad.

A hunter walked in the forest. Suddenly he saw a huge wild boar. Well, the hunter did not lose his temper and shoot at him from both shafts. All is in smoke, he did not see anything and thought: "Have I killed it or not?" Smoke is dispersed... He saw - there is the wild boar: - Well, man, you have got!

Two women go by car, the wheel hauls down. They approach to the wheel, one says to another: - Well, all air has left... Another answers: - Well not all, air is remained above.

The worker of SAI stops a driver. On a bewildered question of the driver if he have broken, a rule, the worker of SAI responds: "My family has no time to wait when you break something!"

The driver having reflected has passed on red light. And here, as always, the worker of SAI: - From you the fine for breach of the rules - 5 roubles. The driver has dawdled in the pocket and found 10 roubles, thinking about the change! He gives 10 roubles to the worker of SAI. And he puts into the pocket: “I have no change, but next time you can pass free of charge”.

Two workers of SAI stand on the road at the end of a village. And from other end "Zhiguly" rushes with excess of speed. Well, workers of SAI, certainly, "steaks" in arms and wait. They stop a driver and he says to them: - What are you doing here?!!! Go to that end of the village. There one of yours was terribly injured... The workers of SAI forget about everything, sit down in their car and rushed to that end. Come and see, on a road the rebound which was knocked down lies. One to another: “Do you remember a number of that villain?

The owner of a new car woke up at night from the frightened cries of the signalling system. He ran out to a street and saw two villains at the entrance: “What, did you bring the key, brother? Give!